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Skyrim: Guard Talk by Isriana Skyrim: Guard Talk by Isriana
This... I'm not even sure what it is. :D Other than a silly idea that wouldn't leave me alone until I went and drew it. What I should have done, was to write a course assignment I must leave in tomorrow. Get out of my head just for few days, Skyrim, or I will fail these courses!

So, sometimes I wonder whether every guard in Skyrim has multiple personalities or something. I walk past one and he says he respects me for using my both gods given hands for my weapon. Then I come back a minute later and the same fellow goes: "Hands to yourself, sneak thief! You're not fooling anyone, you Thieves Guild scum." Talk about awkward transitions - it just never gets old. :XD:
Oh, and Markarth... Seriously, I still get lost in there every time I visit. Those dwemer might have been aces at inventing stuff but their cities just make no sense at all.
When it comes to arrows and knees this is probably my favorite video reference so far :pointr: [link] :iconepicwinplz:


Bron Martes me
Markarth Guards and their comments Bethesda
from The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim


For more fan art inspired by The Elder Scrolls take a look at here!
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:iconwaterbomb60:
waterbomb60 Featured By Owner 2 days ago
Best way to put a guards lines together. =)
Reply
:iconwerewolf39:
WereWolf39 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
aye,feel yer pain bro,and whats the with the "lemme quess someone stole yer sweetroll" thingy? is he hitting on me or something?
Reply
:iconlequizzle:
lequizzle Featured By Owner Edited Feb 20, 2015  New member
I am laughing my ass off!!! xD Lovin' your work
Reply
:iconthelakotanoid1:
thelakotanoid1 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2014  Hobbyist
this reminds me of one time, after i killed the dragon close to whiterun. i was sprinting as fast as i can to find the jarl to tell him about what happened. i sprinted past this guard and he just called out "no lollygagging" i stopped in my place after hearing that and was really tempted to beat his head in with my sword. but i decided not to and walked on. i was kinda pissed at him when i passed by another guard who said "let me guess, someone stole your sweet roll?" and i "FUS'd" him out of the way -true story
Reply
:iconendorthedarkthief:
EndorTheDarkThief Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
*Gets to Skyrim from Bruma* Wow the guards here are really stupid. Back home in cyrodill you can at least ask the guards for directions.
Reply
:iconbolt187:
Bolt187 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
This is so true! You try and have a normal conversation and this is what happens. XD
Reply
:icongwduncan:
GwDuncan Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014
That is because all the guards are inbreeds, there used to be only 2 guards at first, and then a secret pact made between the guards about Guards are only allowed to mate with guards where made, and only those born of a guard could be a guard...........might aswell be true since they are all idiots
Reply
:iconawesomely-happy-hero:
Awesomely-Happy-Hero Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh my gods; THIS. ^ That is such a perfect theory I can't even. XD
Reply
:icongwduncan:
GwDuncan Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014
Explains a lot, does`nt it
Reply
:icondemondragonsoul:
Demondragonsoul Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2014
the gaurds have a hive mind, n why the thalmor have never invaded skyrim....to many local gaurds that can create even more of their kind by makyou wear the armour!
Reply
:iconeclipsedrealities:
EclipsedRealities Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Imagine a thalmor with a wtf face. It just makes me die inside from all my laughing :>
Reply
:icondemondragonsoul:
Demondragonsoul Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014
:D
Reply
:iconmisluck:
MisLuck Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You are waking up my mom 'cause I'm laughing so hard. Shame on you! XD
Reply
:iconneutral-death:
Neutral-Death Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
There are mods that turn the guards into sweet rolls or strike them with lightning at certain points of dialogue.
Reply
:iconhithisisdog:
HiThisIsDog Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
SCROLL OF FIRESTORM! TAKE THAT USELESS GUARDS! *explosion*
Reply
:iconflybird6199:
FlyBird6199 Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014
I like when your in the DarkBrotherhood the guards says "Psst. Hey, I know who you are. Hail Sithis!"
Reply
:iconchristianchick91:
ChristianChick91 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've heard the guard say that, lol! He whispered it when I walked by. XD 
Reply
:iconflybird6199:
FlyBird6199 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014
Yeah sometimes I wait for them to say that
Reply
:icondeadloxtottalfangirl:
deadloxtottalfangirl Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I HATE THOSE GUARDS! They make me so mad, that I just wanna shout the m into pieces! Especially when the say the sweet roll thing, I actually pull out my weapon and at hit them when they say that!
Reply
:iconhopzoptquetzaldesu:
HopzoptQuetzalDesu Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I think he had a bit too much mead :/
Reply
:iconeclipsedrealities:
EclipsedRealities Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Or Skooma.
Reply
:iconpotat-stache:
Potat-Stache Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHINGXDDDDDDDDDDDD
Reply
:iconapplefanfic:
applefanfic Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*STARTS CRACKING UP* LOL!! This is fuunny!! My sides are hurting now!!:flowerla: 
Reply
:icondarkhero91:
DarkHero91 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
Skooma has to be skooma.
Reply
:iconcitizengiants:
citizengiants Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014
i laughed more than i should have hahaha
Reply
:iconunicornomics:
unicornomics Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014   General Artist
FOR THE LAST TIME,I DON'T FETCH THE @#$ MEAD- I mean I understand that feeling
Reply
:iconjoremias:
joremias Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
XD
Reply
:iconthebleen12:
thebleen12 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014
I frikkin love Bron XD
Reply
:iconashavara:
Ashavara Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
At least the Skyrim guards aren't ax crazy, relentless and deadly like the oblivion guards though. ;)
Reply
:iconblueeyedmaniac1:
BlueEyedManiac1 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
But Oblivion guards give directions!
Reply
:iconkuznyadragonofbaa:
KuznyaDragonOfBaa Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Or Morrowind guards?
Reply
:iconcoreyamurray:
CoreyAMurray Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014
"It's all over, lawbreaker!"
Reply
:iconcaurihawk:
CauriHawk Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Student General Artist
LOL !
Reply
:iconjayxempoop:
JayxemPoop Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014
Skyrim Guards in a nutshell
Reply
:iconxenothaulus:
xenothaulus Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
I really hate Markarth. The guards are one of many reasons...
Reply
:iconcoreyamurray:
CoreyAMurray Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014
My favorite guard voice in Skyrim has to be the one with the Austrian accent.
Reply
:iconxenothaulus:
xenothaulus Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
He just WONTS TO POMP YOU OP.
Reply
:iconcoreyamurray:
CoreyAMurray Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
ja
Reply
:iconepicfemshep:
EpicFemShep Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Gotta love the guardsmen in Skyrim! ROFL! Nice work! <3 :D
Reply
:iconcallmedrago:
CallmeDrago Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I saw that linked video you put it was frigging hilarious "I just need time to think"..... "No lolly gagging" "FUS RO DAH!!"
Reply
:iconloki661:
loki661 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
And sometimes I want to kill all the guards but I don't because i'll get a high bound. With Chaos #1 I kill all the guards and mortal people in Whiterun and I got a bounty of three hundred thousand maybe.
Reply
:iconlyrathelidragon:
lyrathelidragon Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
LOL!! I THINK I PEED!!WormHappy Emot1 
Reply
:icongunvar:
Gunvar Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
Oh my, still laughing for your pic! Awesome, thanks you made my day :D
Reply
:iconsabrina333:
Sabrina333 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013  Hobbyist
YOU. ARE. A. GENIOUS!
Reply
:iconmeekothedragones:
meekothedragones Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
once, I was playing skyrim and I just killed a dragon near a city and I walked past a gard, (I was in the dark brotherhood) and the gard was all "Psst, I know who you are. Hail sithis!" the funniest part was her said "hail sithis" all like a kid or something. XD
Reply
:iconladyslipstream:
LadySlipstream Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013
Ohhh maaaan, I needed that face-ripping smile :D
Reply
:icongravuun:
Gravuun Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013
:'D This made my day right now! Ahahah!
Reply
:iconmiko-dono:
Miko-dono Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2013
My favorite Guard line is: "Psst! I know who you are - hail Sithis!"
Reply
:icontoxicscythe:
ToxicScythe Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
that's why I always slit random guard throats.... funny thing is that my assassin character has never had a bounty on her head but has done some serious crud XD
Reply
:iconmymalin:
Mymalin Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2013
I know, i've got that too. xD My assasin is too good at sneaking to be caught, but my mage, who actually never stole even a trinket in his life, always gets some bounty because some stupid guards run into the fray against a dragon or similarly stupid things. xD 
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